Revenge of the Dumped Girlfriend Exercise Program

(Photo credit: Elizabeth Taylor)


Being a positive chirpy person that I am, when my boyfriend dumped me only because I threatened to slowly poison his coffee until the time he proposed which i only did to give him the incentive to make a move to make his happiness with me guaranteed for a lifetime, I took a positive spin of the situation and directed my wrath to making myself the most fantastically freaking fabulous version that i have ever been of me.

This is such a great way to prep myself up for the field again - as in this stage, it is important to attract the prey first with the body of a fit bird. Once in my lair, i show the keepers some good old fashioned loving and then seal the deal with my home cooked meals.

But I digress...

This exercise program is great in so many ways,
  •  it fills all the hours that you used to spend with the yet to be enlightened ex
  •  it directs the craving away from the chocolate cake and into the treadmill
  •  and it prepares you for the inevitable aftermath encounter with the ex- and show him what he is missing
The original program is to look like Elle Macpherson.  But as my personal trainer so politely pointed out the gross difference of proportion between me and Elle that not even an extreme bone extension operation can correct, I had to put my aspirations  down to Jennifer Aniston provided that I eat nothing but baby goop.

In two months, which is about the time i plan to come across the ex- i will be doing 4X a week, 3h a day of Body Combat, Body Attack, Body Jam and Zumba.

My personal trainer suggested as well tranquil exercises like yoga, tai chi  and body balance but I managed to convince him that I try it as I move on from anger to bargaining in my 5 stages of mourning.

It is actually not just an exercise program, with it comes learning of a new language, buying a sexier wardrobe and the overrated but always effective- makeover.

So my message to all dumped girlfriends out there -  do not self destruct.

In the words of the wise AliG - "Big up. Respect yourself- buyakasha!"

3 comments:

  1. Lovely! and very inspiring for my morning run!
    Miluska Dvs

    ReplyDelete
  2. hey milush!
    sandra- whatever do you mean by 'em mattresses? surely it is too early to get 6" of separation, non?

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