Bullshit Police Arrests The Revlon Grow Luscious Mascara



This is a new series of posts I am introducing as most of you (67%) seem not to mind having bullshit posts every day (I mean really guys?  I am touched!  Thank you!)

The thing is - everyday is a lot of posts - but since I would like very much to accommodate you (even halfway is good), I am introducing these bullshit police posts with a chance of guest blogging- which i will give proper credit to - of course (perhaps i will make some guidelines laters but let us play it by ear and make it up as we go along).

It basically goes this way, you find a real product out there and you try to detect the bullshit that said product gives you.  It is a good exercise for you to hone your bullshit radar.

I will start with this product here, next time I will be happy to have your submission/guest postings in which we can all chirp in to comment.

So without further ado, here is the first arrest made by the Bullshit Police.

I want you to put your guard down and look at the picture below as if you were just flipping through it in a magazine.   
Do not read so much the details just a sweeping glance really.  So just 1-3 seconds should be just right. 



Then cover the picture and tell me 3 adjectives that you can say about this ad.  

There is no wrong or right answer.  So just answer without thinking really.

Don't overthink- just say what comes instantly to mind.   


Done yet?  
If not do not read on until you have done so.  









Okay, now I want you to look at the image below for just 2-3 seconds.



Same thing, tell me your first impression.

Okay so, we will leave that part for now and will get back to that later.

***





Now, this is what I will do- I will look into the fine lines and dissect what you just saw.




Woh-oh! Whoever did this didn't hold back on the bullshit ammunition!


THE PRODUCT NAME


This name is the master work of art of a true bullshit weasel.  
When you see it- you will think that the mascara will make your lashes grow.  I mean just look at the lashes sprouting out of the word GROW there!  
But then again, she added luscious which means- it will turn it luscious and not make it longer and luscious at the same time.
BUT, then notice how she made the  fonts used for GROW and luscious  different so that you are mislead that GROW is not a verb used for luscious but a different quality that you can expect from the mascara itself.
Wow! Pure bullshit gold!  I am peeing in my pants with bullshit envy.

THE PROOF



96% saw instant longer, lusher lashes 

  • Ok, key word is "saw instantly". Whether the difference is big or not, so long as there is a difference, even if they are not satisfied, then that is counted as positive and will belong to the 96% . It suffices that you see a difference.  And of course you will see it instantly- you just applied the freaking mascara eh?!
  • And let me see, only 4% didn't see a difference. If I may guess, that 4% is one person, meaning they have a batch size of 25 women (50 tops). And they chose at least one with bad lashes so that it will not appear too rigged.
  • As well, use of instant longer on the study and with the word grow on the product name makes you believe that it is proven to make your lashes grow. If you dissect the phrase, they have a good defense that they do not claim lash growth- you just understood it that way- so, do not think you will make money on suing them for false claims- they will just argue that you are stupid.
  • they did not mention that the study is independent. So that could mean it was tested by their own paid people 
  • and can somebody tell me, why the f*ck, in this internet age- do we not have a link on the study and that it is on file?  
Now, let us analyze THE CLAIMS:


  1. Lash enhancing formula complements the natural growth cycle of your lashes, improving their overall appearance with each use
  • It complements natural growth rate.  What the fuck is that? It doesn't promote growth, it just complements it- like how- like if you would wash your lashes with water or expose it to air- tell me what would not complement thelash's natural growth cycle?   
  • What it has is perhaps some ingredient that conditions lashes (which could be same ingredient used in shampoos as lashes are hair as well)
    2.   Get lashes that look instantly longer and lusher and will also grow stronger day after day
  • it looks instantly longer and makes it grow stronger.  It doesn't make your lashes grow.  It perhaps has just some extending resin that washes off, wears off in time 
  •  Note the use of these two claims one after another- on purpose (these should have been two separate bullet points if you do not want confusion!)  It is easy to confuse it to make lashes grow longer day after day.
     3.  Oversized lash-extending brush
Ho hum! Nothing new. 
Ok, here, the bullshit weasel got lazy!  Come on!  You can do better than this!   
Heck!  The trainee of my trainee can do better than this!
     4.  Ophthalmologist tested
Tested on what?  
This could just mean that an opthalmologist tried the mascara and it didn't say on what she is testing on.  This ophthalmologist tested doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the study above.   
The opthalmologist could have just put the wand under her armpit to see if she has a fever- and that is ophthalmological testing- hah!
You know all these independent organizations that are verifying the authenticity of the organic origin, fair market source of your products?  


I think they can have good business doing the same verifying validity of these tests.  This could be a good business model that I can branch through really.  Anyone interested to join me, send me your CV - haha!

So, bullshit rate is on a high of 9/10 (-1 for sloppy brush description)

So there you have it- the mascara might/might not be great but these devious little bullshit weasels just need to stoop so low to mislead you that it will make your lashes grow.

Now, for the subliminal part.   Would you please write down your honest answers first time around (no changing!) on the comments.  I will give you more explanations on the next few posts!

Well, was that fun?  Who wants to be  bullshit police next? 

Shall you try it with  the Volume Million Lashes Mascara?  
That is another Bullshit Goldmine!

25 comments:

  1. PS- If ever I am sued by Revlon, would you guys know this Kardashian layer dude to represent me? Haha!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh gawd- I am screwed! Hope they allow laptops in jail!

    ReplyDelete
  3. my first thoughts were honestly airbrushed picture, damn her hair is big and shiney... and wow her lashes look like they are fake.

    ok chalk it up to my pesamistic side. I hate touched up model pictures.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I had a really hectic, stressful week, and now I have LOL'd into a great mood! Rowena, you are masterfully witty--just write a book already or start your own bullshit-free makeup line...wait I just realized you won't sell much that way. Scrap the makeup but stick to the book!

    ReplyDelete
  5. My genuine first thoughts:
    1. Those lashes are gorgeous but fake.
    2. They photoshopped the hell out of Jessica Biel.
    3. There's no way a mascara actually grows lashes.

    I'm quite the sceptic in most situations.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Great post Rowena. If I could just have $1 for every woman that's going to swear that stuff made her lashes grow...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Great Post - new reader here :)
    Anyhow I agree with L and Zombie, that I did think the pic was fake after analyzing it a bit. But I don't think that was the purpose of the experiment. My FIRST 2 second reaction to it was that it was a (1)beautiful, (2)glowing, and (3) natural/very earthy feeling to it.

    The brush pic made me think that it was effective, large and pretty brush.

    I love how you dissect everything down and explain to us how they're deceiving us. I hope you continue posting regularly :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thanks for responding Mistress Zombie, L and Jona!

    I hope i can get more answers though for me to be able to properly layout the blog on subliminals. It will make it more relevant and interesting.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hey Sandi! Always a pleasure to hear from you!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi Marie- Gee thanks!

    Don't count out the bullshit free make up yet! Well, I think that there is such a thing as healthy amount of bullshit- as it is supposed to make us hope and dream after all.

    You mentioning writing a book and am already dreaming of who shall play me in the movie!!! Haha!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi Jona and welcome to bullshitville!
    It is not all fairies and unicorn, I have the most profane mouth and sometimes I battle with PMS online- but I always make a check that there is a positive raison d'etre for all this and hope you stick around! Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  12. i LOVE this post. anddd your bullshit radar makes me happy. my first 3 thoughts on the ad:

    1. thats a pretty shade of green ( the tube)
    2. tough photshop job making her eyelashes look spikey
    3. why is she in the woods

    I'm pretty sure my initial thoughts on ads aren't indicative of the average population. lol

    I would love a bullshit arrest on any product by freeze 24-7 claiming an instant botox effect. ::rolls eyes::

    xoxoxo
    Y

    ReplyDelete
  13. Do her eyes remind anyone else of a goat? I just can't seem to get past that everytime I see this ad...

    ReplyDelete
  14. My first thoughts were:

    1. They were looking for a "natural" feeling, hence the reference to nature;
    2. They were also looking for a sexy feeling, hence the hair and the model (duh);
    3. Then when I saw the model's lashes, I noticed that they were fake and that the model was also wearing a dark eyliner, which may have been used as a way to achieve the "long, sexy and yet natural" combo they were looking for, but, in my opinion, didn't accomplish (they don't look natural).

    When I saw the packaging, I thought:

    1. Oh, those percentages! They've become a plague!
    2. The packaging looks very clean and professional, almost as if designed by tech/science dudes! And I like that color!
    3. Oh, how I hate those fat brushes...

    That's it! Please keep up the great work! I love the blog!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hi Yvonne, Cuteychao,

    Thank you for sharing your insights. I think I will give two more examples (one more make up and one fragrance) because this Revlon ad really did not do their job well on the subliminal front (it made you overanalyze! heehee!).

    Gawd, i have a lot of promised postings but i will get to it- it is fun and not quite what you are guessing!:-)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hi Steph-
    I can never look at Jessica Alba again without thinking of a goat! Haha!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Now, I must be an aberation. But I spotted her lips and the number 96%. :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. 1) just looked at the ad for 3 seconds.
    Three adjectives that came to my mind:
    green, glowing, fair skinned girl.
    (I didn't recognize Jessica, nor did I look at her eyelashes. The forth word would have been "big hair" and the fifth "big lips"
    I was totally ignoring her lashes.)

    2) looked at the mascara-pic for 3 seconds.
    first impressions:
    green, metallic, shiny. clean.

    Now for the rest - I didn't really read the text, neither grow nor luscious, neither on the first nor on the second pic.

    In my apprentice-ship as a medical documentalist we also had to learn about statistics and ever since I've been asking "96% from what?" (or any other number, when ads or people or articles are juggling with percentages), because, like you say, the number of women is not specified.
    And even if, they don't say what kind of women. Women from the shopping mall, from the lash-grow-training-center, from a little caribbean island? ...
    Nor do they say anything if they were there on their own free will or if they belonged to the company.

    (and yes, stuff like that we learned from our teacher ^^ not with women and make-up, but with other things, but yes, he made us do the "asking and looking behind the scenes".
    We also learned how a neutral, innocent bunch of numbers could be interpreted like this and like that and like that ^^ but that's a different thing.)

    And I'll bet that almost everyone thinks, when reading "Ophthalmologist tested", that it means "we tested this mascara, it will not harm you, not make you blind, not burn in your eyes, because the ophthalmologists tested it and they wouldn't let you come to harm".

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hi Ana, Caityln!

    I think whoever made this Revlon ad must be tearing their hair by now. I must admit that by all your comments, this ad is quite amateur. I can analyze for you what they meant to accomplish, but i think that they massively failed.

    I will have to give you another example as an exercise, so that the subliminal analysis is more effective.

    ReplyDelete
  20. awesome. whenever i see that claim such and such % saw INSTANT results, i'm luck fricken doi, you just put mascara on!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Kelliegonzo- haha- it is the most stupid thing innit?

    ReplyDelete
  22. I couldn't get past my first thought, which is how much I have always thought Revlon mascaras suck. Every one I ever tried, the little rubber wiper part always broke making the mascara then glob on the brush. So I don't buy Revlon mascara.

    But, I really enjoyed your post dissecting the BS in the ad.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Please keep posting! I wish you could come live by me...then you could police ALL the bullshit in my life! Hehe

    ReplyDelete