Men are simple.
When they say they are hungry, it means they are hungry.
When they say they are sleepy, it means they are sleepy.
Nice blouse means nice boobs. Nice pants means nice ass.
If they don't have an erection, make them a sandwich.
If that doesn't work, give them a beer, a ball or a stick.
Women however? Hooboy!
Which is partly the reason for this book.
Men need to take it slow. They need to understand the fundamentals before they can comprehend the special bond between the tree and the stars.
We can't just saunter in with our healing crystal shenanigans and our mercury retrograde ass and expect these Xy creatures to understand.
They will think we're crazy!
Your book should not be more than 10 pages, otherwise it's not worth reading.
Said my grumpy old friend, Declan.
Joke’s on you, Declan. I can do it in a 10 item manifesto. But we know darn well where 10 item manifestos have brought us innit?
I have a working theory that initially, life came with an instruction manual.
But man, the designated driver, used it to wipe his ass and decided to wing it.
Fool wouldn't even ask for directions.
To make matters worse, these clueless creatures don't have enough blood
to power both the brain and a hard-on. A MAJOR biological design flaw.
What’s a girl to do?
Of course men mean well.
It’s adorable how they sincerely want to be useful.
Only that they are stupid wired differently. (Rowena, behave.)
Men solve problems. They thrive in competition.
It is ingrained in their DNA from the moment they’re teeny tiny sperms.
Even deprived of all toys, they will make pissing into a contest.
Don’t get me wrong. I am no feminist. I do not want equality.
I fully accept my fate of being the superior gender.
It’s not an easy job but I choose to be gracious about it.
I am not impressed though with how things are run around here.
Modern technology has become our master instead of slave.
Funneling all our life energy to the hands of very few.
Shopping has become an addiction rather than a source of empowerment.
Weighing us down in debt and debris of plastic and decaying batteries.
Travel has become a commercialized race in a bubble of comfort
rather than a spontaneous source of wonder.
In our quest to go faster, we aren’t going any further,
In our quest to go bigger, we have become fat and frail,
In our quest for cheap, we end up with a planetary pile of toxic shit.
Our life has become a daily drudgery to pay the bills.
It cramps our style, men and women alike.
So think of this book as an intervention coming from a place of love.
Men and women are not enemies.
The Xy chromosome has a blind spot, that's all.
And we all would benefit if we could learn to play nice.
(Constant reminder to self, help me gawd)
