Mascara, the mother of all biatches

Mascara is the mother of all biatches.

For no matter how mighty and compelling the claims are, how well-critiqued it is by "gurus", paid beauty editors, beauty insiders and make-up artists- it is NO GUARANTEE that it will be your BFF.

Sorry princess, but with mascaras as with prince charmings, you will have to kiss a lot of toads  before you find your prince.

The way a mascara works depends on 3 things which we call in the 'biz as the holy trinity of mascara development.
  1. formula - it is an emulsion (oil+water+things that binds them together) where we put a number of blah-blah actives
  2. brush - a good brush separates lashes, imparts the right amount of formula at the right interval.   A balancing act that is a subject of a lot of study, court cases.  This in itself can sustain a proper TV series.
  3. container - see the rubber thingy at the mouth of your mascara container?  that is the wiper and it controls the amount of formula that goes to the brush.  Too much and you get clumps, too little and you get less than optimum results.
Seems elementary my dear Watson but the iterations here are endless and only the most balanced of the trinity will make the grade (my way of saying, heck, my work is darn difficult).

Then, to add insult to injury, one perfect trinity will behave differently from one pair of lashes to another.   So not unless, the one who tested it is your identical twin who was raised under the same environmental, social and emotional conditions and who slept with the same guys- all those reviews are for nought- you have to try the mascara yourself!

Change any of the trinity and your mascara will be totally different- like Mr Hyde to Dr Jekkyl.  For example, if you test the mascara with those little brushes provided by make up counters to avoid contamination- that is wrong!  Even if they are dressed the same, mascara will lead you to believe that it is the teeny bopper Lourdes when it is in fact the menopausal Madonna.

And if you want to test with the real brush in the actual container with the actual formula- good luck and make sure your medical insurance covers for warts, aids, athlete's foot contracted from toxic waste.

The only way,  is to buy the mascara and hope for the best.
Kaching! That doesn't bother us.  That is why we come up with so many new mascaras so often, give you outrageous claims with pictures of lashes longer than Ozzy's nose hair.

- more blogs to come on how to interpret mascara claims-

  • why mascaras are not for you
  • those outrageous claims
  • waterproof, weatherproof, lifeproof?
  • plastic brush innovation?
  • carbon black
  • lash growth


  1. goody . . . marketing school taught too much psychology! i think high school should include courses on intelligent consumerism.

  2. Hi LRM-
    haha! guess you posted the right comment on the wrong article:-)


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